To be honest, when I woke up in the morning, I still failed to realize the significance of today. Probably most people thought that way too – all busy preparing their final performance for the class the day before. Sometimes school starts to take a toll on us even as it ends. In the sense that we force ourselves into delusion by busying ourselves with anything that can come to mind, in the hope that the pain of nostalgia never comes to haunt us.

I spent the time I had on the bus, which was strangely empty, listening to the song I was going to dance to. And hoping I wouldn’t screw up my routine. God how uselessly that time was spent. But I knew that apart from my final performance, there really was nothing else I wanted to think about during that moment. At least this childish, heady style of thinking helped me pull through the early half of the day.

Walked normally to school, talked normally during assembly, joked normally on our way back to class. Asked each other about our routines. Discussed about the programme lineup for today.

First thing was Mrs. Seow’s excellent idea of making everyone do a class reflection on ourselves. And everyone of my 23 classmates had a story to share of themselves and how they’ve grown. It just struck me as to how different we all are, yet how much we have in common. Nope, didn’t make me feel better.

Mrs Seow proceeds to talk about every single one of us, and her bad recounts and first impressions, all with a wacky smile on her face. She seemed to be enjoying it. The class too.

Before we know it, graduation ceremony has begun and we all begin talking among ourselves. Very weird that all of us just wanted to talk about the same thing, which was what we all did end up talking about.

“Very fast, four years already huh” “yeah it’s like, just the blink of an eye”

We sing the songs, do the cheers, what we always do in every year head assembly. This time it was different. Never did the song sound so tangible – it felt like warm sand trickling through the gaps in a loosely clenched fist. I guess I had found the batch spirit, just stronger than ever before now that it has come to an unfortunate closure.

“…the time has come for us to live in harmony, for all time…

Closure never seemed to be the word in our heads when the graduation ceremony ended though. Personally I refused to believe this was all over. We gave ourselves excuses such as “Oh, there’s still the performance! And grad night. And O levels to worry about” and thought about these instead. This time I already knew that I was just running away from a reality I would face very soon, but I stuck with it and moved back to the class, where the final show was held.

We did our songs and dances, one by one. Almost every member of the class chipped in to perform to the best of their ability. We were acknowledged with heartfelt gratitude, and said our farewells to our dearest form teacher for our final year in Raffles institution.

No farewell yet, though, for a surprising number of our class stayed back, strumming pop hits and singing along, still not having enough to say about the “good old days.” I walked to a corner of the classroom while the rest of my classmates continued on. Sat on a table and deliberating very hard on the emotions I should express at that moment. For I knew that I was hiding from something, a milestone I had crossed along with the rainbowed memories imbued within it, but not yet recognized. I looked at the class photos we had received today. I stared into the tables and chairs strewn around the classroom we once shared. Something stirred, I never could guess.

Till my very own classmates came out of the project corner and strode up to me, patted me on the back and gave a gentle gesture of comfort.

“hey mike, ‘sup? You okay?”

It just clicked within me at that moment. Friendship.

And all bursts open.

****
The last 6 hours I spent in and around the campus were mellow yet memorable. ToT in the class, food in j8, talk in canteen, talk in gym, walking round the school.

And finally out of the school.

Better expressed in pictures and not words.

Thank you all for the wonderful post-grad gathering, especially Jinx. Had a great time.

And all good things.